Susan Maurer


Normal times for meals are:
      8 or 9 for breakfast
      12 for lunch, 1 is not as normal as 12
      6 for normal Americans, 8 for phony ones
It is more normal to:
      take a shower before you go to sleep
      use a towel and sheets for a week
      lather your hair only once
Cornflakes are a normal breakfast, as are Cheerios.
Ham with pineapple is more normal than veal Marengo,
but one eats a sandwich for lunch, white bread,
or Franco-American spaghetti.
Peanut butter is normal.
Velveeta cheese is normal.
Spam is normal for the poor unfortunates.
Scotch is normal. Dogs are normal.
Cats are a little odd.

Cheerleaders are normal.
Prep schools are odd.
Football is normal.
Soccer is more foreign than
Chinese checkers are normal.
Ralph Lauren is not normal.
He is not a real cowboy.
Cowboys are normal.
Bicycles are normal.
Scooters are normal.

Chiclets, Dentyne and spearmint gum are normal, but
sticking it under desks is what juvenile delinquents do.
Old Spice is normal.
Evening in Paris is normal and comes in blue glass
containers which is exotic but not too abnormal.

Red lipstick is normal, but pink is not.
Ladies don't wear pink lipstick.